Wait… I have babies?

The office building I work in houses 3 or 4 different companies.  I see most of the people that work in this building daily.  On elevators, in the parking lot, and when I used to smoke; in the smoking area.  For 1.5 years, I would go out to the smoking area and burn one, seeing and chatting with the same women every single day, bitching about our office job woes.  Every. Single. Day.

About two months ago, one month after quitting the bad habit, one of the ladies I would see and talk to, again, every day, began to compliment my physique.  “Wow! You look SO GREAT!” and “I can’t believe how much weight you’ve lost, you look amazing!”

Thank you lady, but I’ve been 135 pounds, give or take, for the last 3 years.  I never told her that, though.  I took the compliments, because they did make me feel all warm and fuzzy on the inside. Then one day, after chatting with her for a minute, I realized why she had been complimenting me so much.

Lady: “I still cannot believe that just two months ago you had twins.”
Me: *Blink blink*
Lady: “Usually it is so hard to lose baby weight that quickly, not to mention after having multiples!”
And for whatever reason, I thanked her and went back to my office.

Fast forward two months to now.  She still asks me about the twins.  And I still respond like I have twins.  But I just don’t understand.  I saw this woman two or three times a day in the smoking area for 1.5 years.  We talked about the weather and office crap while we puffed away on our cigarettes.  At no point, since I began working here, was I pregnant.  Not with twins, not with a single baby, not with nothin’.

But I’ve went too far now.  I can’t go back and say “Listen lady, I don’t have twins. I spent a year and a half smoking cigarettes with you, not pregnant.” She will wonder why I never corrected her.  I don’t even know why I didn’t correct her.  I’m going to have to find a picture of twin babies.  And come up with names.  And build an entire fake life around these twins.  That don’t exist.  That I had in November.

So I’m the girl that works on the 3rd floor who recently quit smoking, and two months ago, had twins.  Congratulations, me!


2 Comments on “Wait… I have babies?”

  1. Vesta Vayne says:

    Bwahahahaha! That is freaking hee-larious! So I need to know, did you tell her their names?

    Next time she mentions it, just act like you have no idea what she’s talking about, “Twins? What twins? Do we know each other?”

  2. cheekymuffy says:

    That is fucking awesome! You gotta keep it going.

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