Wait… I have babies?

The office building I work in houses 3 or 4 different companies.  I see most of the people that work in this building daily.  On elevators, in the parking lot, and when I used to smoke; in the smoking area.  For 1.5 years, I would go out to the smoking area and burn one, seeing and chatting with the same women every single day, bitching about our office job woes.  Every. Single. Day.

About two months ago, one month after quitting the bad habit, one of the ladies I would see and talk to, again, every day, began to compliment my physique.  “Wow! You look SO GREAT!” and “I can’t believe how much weight you’ve lost, you look amazing!”

Thank you lady, but I’ve been 135 pounds, give or take, for the last 3 years.  I never told her that, though.  I took the compliments, because they did make me feel all warm and fuzzy on the inside. Then one day, after chatting with her for a minute, I realized why she had been complimenting me so much.

Lady: “I still cannot believe that just two months ago you had twins.”
Me: *Blink blink*
Lady: “Usually it is so hard to lose baby weight that quickly, not to mention after having multiples!”
And for whatever reason, I thanked her and went back to my office.

Fast forward two months to now.  She still asks me about the twins.  And I still respond like I have twins.  But I just don’t understand.  I saw this woman two or three times a day in the smoking area for 1.5 years.  We talked about the weather and office crap while we puffed away on our cigarettes.  At no point, since I began working here, was I pregnant.  Not with twins, not with a single baby, not with nothin’.

But I’ve went too far now.  I can’t go back and say “Listen lady, I don’t have twins. I spent a year and a half smoking cigarettes with you, not pregnant.” She will wonder why I never corrected her.  I don’t even know why I didn’t correct her.  I’m going to have to find a picture of twin babies.  And come up with names.  And build an entire fake life around these twins.  That don’t exist.  That I had in November.

So I’m the girl that works on the 3rd floor who recently quit smoking, and two months ago, had twins.  Congratulations, me!


Ah, blogging.

So I’ve decided to start blogging.  That is how incredibly bored I am here at work.  Nothing to do but to write about myself like anyone actually really gives a damn. 

I’m Betty, I’m 23, and although I prefer whiskey, I love pineapple upside down cake shots.  They’re absolutely delicious.  I enjoy reading, and making up stories to tell my 4 year old, running, cooking, googling dirty jokes, and driving.  I have an extreme obsession with football.  Good ole American football.  Tossin’ around the pig skin.  Tailgates, wings, beer, curse words, game winning field goals as time expires.  It’s my favorite.  Who doesn’t like football?  A lot of people, I know.  But they suck.

I have a boyfriend.  I hate that term, by the way.  Boyfriend.  Girlfriend.  I have a dude that comes around a few times a week who gives me stuff and says nice things and we have a lot of sex.  Much better.  There is quite an age difference between us.  He’s 39.  16 years difference.  People assume that for him, it’s all about having a young hot broad.  Maybe so.  But he says nice things to me and treats me with a lot of respect and I am head over heels in love with the man.  So whatever.  He is a huge part of my life and an inspiration to me.  If the relationship were to end tomorrow, heart ache aside, Id take away everything I’ve learned with much appreciation.  He is a wonderful man, and makes delicious red beans. 

My 4 year old son is also an inspiration to me, but that goes without saying.  He is funny, and smart, and by God he’s handsome.  He will eat an entire bag of grapes in one sitting and then act like that’s normal for a 4 year old.  His dad and I divorced 3 years ago and in a huge sacrificial effort to keep my son’s life as normal as possible, I stayed in the south near his dad rather than move back home to New York. 

I guess now that I am going to chronicle my life I’d better save some of the juicy details of my incredibly interesting day-to-day routine for later posts.